You herd me...

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Southern Etiquette

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  Etiquette for Southerners GENERAL:  1. Never take a beer to a job interview.  2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.  3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.  4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.  5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home. DINING OUT:  1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.  2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME: 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.  2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are. PERSONAL HYGIENE:  1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck key...
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